Dance Cinderella, Dance....

Saturday was my cousin Tammy's Wedding....it was outdoors and miraculously there was a sunny break in the rainy sky right at 2pm that lasted just long enough for the ceremony. What a blessing!

Tammy was a beautiful gracious bride. She is beautiful both physically and in spirit. She has a huge heart for little ones and was thrilled to see that Su Yee was feeling well enough to attend the wedding.


Su Yee is healing well and we no longer need pain control medicines. She was excited to be out of the house and loved all the attention her extended family had to offer.

Ring Around the Rosy with Auntie Lynn

For a 2 1/2 yr old weddings are really not that exciting. She referred to Tammy as "white dress" as this is what caught her eye. The dinner was boring for her, the speeches even more so, but then something magical happened - they started the music! It was time to dance!

Dance she did!  9pm until 12am...then, just like Cinderella, our tiny "Belle of the Ball" was exhausted and we had to dash home. She danced with any family member who would join her on the dance floor. She did not sit down once the entire time!

Dancing with Nie Nie

Dancing with cousin Nolan 

and with Cousin Matthew

One of the things that struck me was how well she is blending in with the family. We are a family that dances. My grandparents and parents enjoy social dancing and they passed on this skill to their children. Dancing is almost a pre-requisite to be part of our family just ask Patrick or any of my brother-in laws! All of the next generation of kids are now being taught how to social dance.  

God must of known dancing was part of Su Yee's soulful make-up and placed her in our crazy family! She is naturally inclined and needs no coaxing! Just look at her dance with YeYe!

I am also amazed at how well she discerned family vs non-family which I have been a bit worried about. I often ask myself "Does she really understand what a family is?" She did wave at everyone at the party... like a little princess. But she ONLY hugged and went to those who were family members which was very reassuring. She definitely has her grandparents figured out! YeYe and Nie Nie will be there to spoil her and are easy to coax into doing something compared to MaMa!

We have one more big wedding this summer and will look forward to kicking up our heels and dancing until midnight....just like Cinderella!

Day 4, 5, 6: Fussy and Oh no....

Day 4
Fussy! That is the word for Day 4. Nothing made her happy or less whiny. She only settled for her Nie Nie and YeYe. I had phoned them earlier nearly in tears looking for advice for our fussy girl. When they arrived she was totally distracted and YeYe had her giggling and running around for a good hour. (Dad can be pretty funny!)

By the evening smell from her mouth and nose increased and it was awful! Her tongue looked swollen but as she wouldn't open her mouth it was hard to get a good look.  She did not eat or drink much despite being well medicated on Tylenol and Advil. I even tried to very carefully brush just her front teeth thinking it would help? (really there should be no toothbrush in her mouth yet!)

Day 5
Oh no...finally she opened her mouth wide enough we got a good look...Thrush! White, red and yucky looking and foul smelling. No wonder she did not want to eat or drink!

By the evening after just a few doses of Nystatin we had a totally different girl. She wanted to drink her water and eat some yogurt....a good start!


Day 6
Phew... with the right meds on board she devoured her "soft" breakfast and drank 1/2 cup of water while we watched her Sesame street movie. A peek into her mouth and it is significantly improved and the smell is almost gone! However, looking into her mouth today we noticed there is a little hole leading from her left nasal passage into her mouth and we are not certain if a stitch has given way or not? Follow up might be a bit sooner than planned!


In the quest for independence.....oh so hungry today!

Day 3; Homeward Bound...

Day three arrived and her IV hand was swollen, red, and sore... so out came the IV! This gave her the exciting new freedom to drive the red car up and down the hallways for an hour or two before we got discharged! Once the car was "out of gas" Su Yee would push it down the hallway and honk the horn so that the automatic door to the Peds ward would open...I wonder who gave her this bright idea?

She looks awfully spry for someone who is drinking 1/2 cup fluids per day and eating the equivalent of one yogurt!

The simple act of being home initially put her in a good spirit despite her sore mouth...until we got to the first meal. She was not allowed to feed herself, the foods offered were mushy and smooth, she was not taking in sufficient fluids so her mouth was dry and foods tasted funny. She pitched a collossal fit! She lead me to snack cupboard only to find it bare and simply lost it...those tiny feet where a stomping mad until she was exhausted and needed to be held.  She did eventually drink a tiny bit but went to bed that night hungry, thirsty and tired. Poor girl! Sleep was fitful with a crummy tummy!

Day 2: You Can't Always Get What You Want....

I hope that Su Yee one day looks back on these posts to know what she went through to correct her palate and as a reminder of how strong she is! We don't know if the cleft palate is a genetic trait. If it is she may one day face this same ordeal with one of her own children.  I love my little miss! She is so determined to get what she wants or needs.  I hope that this character trait comes in handy as she grows up. 

After a sleepless night with Su Yee it was suddenly time for breakfast. Her  surgery was successful but I was not prepared to see her in that much pain. Her mouth was still sore and she winced with every swallow (even on her own saliva!). It was difficult to get her to drink, let alone eat anything. She took two sips of the milk then refused. It just hurt too much. However she began signing for "crackers and cookies"... I offered her the milk again. She was truly puzzled by this and her attempt to get me to understand that she wanted crackers and cookies was rather comical; like a bad game of charades. She would look at me with her head turned to the side, eyebrows furrowed like "why are you not getting this?" Eventually she resigned in frustration but each new meal tray reignited the plea for her favorite foods. She was hungry but wasn't going to give in and eat unless she could get what she wanted! Thankfully she was still getting IV fluids with glucose.

Her face is still swollen but the drool is more clear.
Oh so unhappy!

BaBa brought in all of her favorite soft foods (yogurt, raspberry Kefir, booster juice, ice cream) but even these did not tempt her to eat. Everything hurt and nothing tasted right with all the blood and stitches in her mouth. Her tongue was quite swollen and a foul smell emitted from her mouth and sinus cavity. She was frustrated all day trying to play with the IV stuck in her hand. The shopping cart was her best option so we spent the day once again walking the halls. 

YeYe Dale and Nie Nie Joanne and Auntie Tracy stopped by for a visit. This was exactly the kind of distraction that Su Yee needed. Stickers and puzzles were interesting when Nie Nie offered them. There were even a few smiles and attempts at talking.

The prescribed diet regimen (pureed and soft foods) will not be easy once we get home. Su Yee really likes to eat dry cereal, apples, crackers, cookies (things that crunch) more than anything else right now. She will be on full fluids for 3 days then progress to pureed foods for at least a week. If everything goes well she can progress to soft foods days 8 - 21 but pureed food is recommended. She is not allowed to feed herself. I sent Patrick (BaBa) home to hide all the crackers, chips, cookies and cereals in the house. I am not willing to fight with her over food.

Thank goodness they her found a real bed! She finally had a nap!

Waiting...then Mad as all Hell...

By 6:30 am Wednesday morning (May 18th) we were back at the hospital. Su Yee protested about the lack of breakfast all the way there!  Registration had no record of the rescheduled surgery so we waited for 35 minutes (with a hungry 2 year old tugging at our pantlegs) for the OR to confirm our surgery was indeed at 8 am.
Su Yee was very reluctant during the pre-OP reassessment. This time it was not novel to change into the stripy pink PJ's.

It is quite the hurry up and wait process. You wait to register, hurry to pre-OP, wait to be assessed, hurry to the OR waiting area, talk to the surgeon, the anesthesiologist and then finally the OR nurse arrived to take her away. Su Yee liked the bonnets that everyone was wearing so the nurse coaxed her out of my arms with the promise of her very own "hat" and a ride in the green JohnDeere wagon filled with pillows. She rode around the corner and into the OR waving like she was in a parade! I am certain that only kids from Saskatchewan get to ride to the operating room in a green JohnDeere wagon! Prison PJs, bonnet and green wagon; it all seemed a bit surreal!

The next wait seemed like forever but it was only 1 hour! The plastic surgeon greeted us with a big smile on his face saying everything went really well. She had lots of extra tissue to work with so the wide cleft palate was easily closed. He also partially fixed the nasal passage by the alveolar notch (gum notch) which will make future orthodontic work easier. Then we waited again until the recovery room finally called. "She was awake and please come see her!"

Entering the room I could see her lying down with several nurses hovering over her looking puzzled. She was grunting and pointing toward the end of her bed.  Not crying, just grunting and pointing. Nobody understood what she wanted. I recognized she was mad! Seeing MaMa only increased the volume of grunting...they placed her in my arms and she started to kick and scream while pointing at the foot of the bed. Then I spotted it...her washcloth a.k.a. "SUCKY" was at the foot of the bed tucked inside her bonnet. She was about to blow a gasket if she didn't get "sucky" right away. She was so MAD. She did not really want me to hold her but was too groggy to really sit up byherself and she kept spitting up lots and lots of blood. It took her 30 minutes to lay her head on my shoulder. I had betrayed her and let her go in that green wagon to this bad place...

On the ward she was still mad at both of us. We arrived to our room to find they brought her a crib to sleep in...how much more unpleasant could they make this? She did not want to be in a crib...cribs must hold some bad memories. A bed could not be found so instead we unfolded the uncomfortable "parent's bed" to try to rest.

 
With her guard up, she hardly slept at during the day despite the "good" drugs that she received. Instead after 1/2 cup each of milk and apple juice (both which caused pain) she stomped up and down the halls until exhaustion overwhelmed her around 11pm. We had little choice but to let her walk. Our room was shared with two very sick infants who needed to sleep and Su Yee was mad as all hell so walking with her shopping cart was the best way for her to deal with everything. She would only sit still for 1/2 an hour then protest loudly either from the pain or just because she was mad. So, with copious amounts of bloody drool oozing from her mouth, she pushed that shopping cart up and down the hallways with her IV in tow. The Peds staff just laughed...at least until the ankler biter cart got ahold of their legs. Her determination left us apologizing a few times. Did she eat...no, drink...1/2 cup of milk and juice, did she want to rock with MaMa...NO.

Night number one was restless, waking every two hours in need of pain control. Poor, mad, sweet Su Yee! The whole experience brought me to tears (and I don't cry easily). I have never experienced anything like that before!

Wordless Wednesday: {Pink..}

Crystal Clear...?

I love how the water at Waskesiu lake is crystal clear at this time of year. You can see right to the bottom. There is no guessing what lies beneath the surface... a clear path lies ahead.
Toby is the only one brave enough to swim as the ice has just come off the lake.

The weekend was a great family retreat. Su Yee enjoyed her bumpy stroller rides and even got in on the fun hollering at Toby to "go get it" and "come back" to shore.

On the drive home we discussed her surgery and all the promise it holds for her speech development. Monday we packed our overnight bags in nervous anticipation. The path seemed crystal clear we could see the end result...

This morning we registered then waited in the less than pleasant hospital environment for 6 long hours with a busy, hungry, thirsty toddler. There were no toys; this was not a peds friendly place.

Then without warning her elective palate surgery was bumped from the Operating Room by an unforseen trauma that consumed the limited medical resources. A practice that seems to be common place in our province. We are now rescheduled for tomorrow morning.

I am thankful for being rescheduled so soon, but anxious that this "bumping" might happen again. (Royal University Hospital is designated for all the trauma's in the province.) It might not seem like big deal but the ONLY surgeon doing the clefts in our province retires June 1st. I was anxious this morning and more so now.

However after much wrestling and reading tonight it is crystal clear to me that we have to trust the surgery will happen and only God knows the right timing. I have been very unsettled about the whole process of handing my newest love over to the surgeon. She seems to me small and vulnerable though she has proven herself over and over to be very resilient. Tonight after continuing to wrestle through my own anxious thoughts I am resigned leave the whole thing with God. The pervasive thought is that I must trust in the Lords plans no matter how confounded and unclear...thus we wait until He says go. Perhaps it will be tomorrow - perhaps another day.

My verse today:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3: 5-6

Nineteen....

9lbs 5oz bundle of Joy

Nineteen years ago today my sweet baby boy arrived in a turmultous way! 

After 3 weeks in NICU everything checked out OK! That was a really, really good day.

Without a hint of curls and those eyes of blue. It was easy to fall in love with you.

While somethings have changed ... 

...others did not. The older you were, the goofier you got!

He kept us busy with beavers/cubs, gymnastics, soccer, ball, 

band and Tae Kwon Do. 

And all he did was grow and grow and grow. 

He became a hard worker, powerful and strong. 

With his dashing personality, it was easy to get along. 

Over the years we have had tonnes of fun! 

But no matter how grown up you are you will always by my little one! 

Now at Nineteen it seems to me nearly impossible to believe 

that you might soon take your leave....

I am so proud of who you are...you will always be my shining star!

We have so many great memories and I am sure more to come. 

I am so glad that God chose me to be your Mom! 

Terrible Two

Tiny Tot

1st Birthday

 

8th Birthday

Yes... he needs a hair cut! 

Love you Kevin!
Happy 19th Birthday!